Once you abandon God, expect no mercy! It is important to understand that abandonment does not mean disbelief or disavowal, it simply means that you have exercised the gift of the tree of knowledge, free will, to your own purpose. God would have you chose, in faith and consciousness, the way He knows is best for you. What folly is it for God to think He knows what’s best for us; we are, after all, created in His image and likeness. The correspondents below have dealt with good and evil, one is good, the other …?<\/p>\n
Did God make women mothers so that they could sin, but never be evil? Adam envied Eve’s innocence and thought to share in it with his bite. He knew it was evil to eat from the tree of knowledge; she knew only it was sin! I have never understood whether it is the womb, the tree of life, that protects women from the evil that men know; women sin, but are seldom, if ever evil; when their actions appear evil, they are always emulating an evil learned from men.<\/p>\n
Dear Trista,<\/p>\n
I tried to visit you yesterday, but was told you were on \u201cdisciplinary\u201d hold, and couldn\u2019t see visitors. I heard last Wednesday from a friend, Angie, that you were arrested last week-end; she saw your name in the newspaper.<\/p>\n
I would like to visit you on Sunday, 24 January, 2010. I remain your friend, and hope you will see me. I want you to write me, as soon as possible, and tell me your situation; do you need commissary funds; the status of your probation case; how long will you be confined; and do you have counsel for the Six Flags case?<\/p>\n
I was informed that you could ask for a Bible, and they would give you one. Trista, every fear you have, all the anger you have, all the pain you feel, all are answered and relieved by the Word of God and the love of Jesus Christ. God loves you Trista, God will heal you, and give you the strength to be the woman, the wife and the mother I know you will be!<\/p>\n
Jesus will forgive your sins, if you ask, and He will be your Hero\u2026 Forgive yourself, love yourself as HE loves you and you will be the mother of Summer and your unborn child that they deserve, that the Good Lord wants you to be.<\/p>\n
How is your pregnancy going? I know you feel a lot of pressure; if you want to talk about it\u2026I\u2019ll listen.<\/p>\n
From the moment I saw you in the movie theater I knew you were something special. Watching you care for and love summer, I saw your true heart. You need to pray to find that woman, that kind, loving soul, and live her life, your life! Celebrate who you really are, accept the gifts God has given and turn away from foolish sinful people and wicked, stupid ways. But you already knew that\u2026<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not much of a preacher, but I am a sinner, and I know how easy it is to fall from God\u2019s grace. I think about you and pray for you every day, and have since I first met you. I pray that summer, your unborn child, and all your children will know you as you were meant to be\u2026 a gift from the Good Lord to them, to your family, to all who know you.<\/p>\n
Life has not been kind to you, you\u2019ve made choices that reflect what you felt you had to do, but you have always known what you should do. Open you eyes, Trista, open your heart, trust Jesus, know Jesus.<\/p>\n
If a fool like me, a sinner like me, can feel His love and find the strength to change, so can you. You haven\u2019t known me long enough to see the change in me, but I have changed for the better\u2026and I hope to change even more, with God\u2019s help.<\/p>\n
Trista, I don\u2019t know if my words comfort you, I don\u2019t know what you think of me, but what I do know is that you wrote \u201cGod is my hero\u201d\u2026and it was your faith that drew me to you. Trust in God, read His words, Listen to Him as he speaks to your heart. And know that I love you, I care about you, I will always be your friend.<\/p>\n
Write back and tell me what I can do to help you.<\/p>\n
Take Care and Trust God,<\/p>\n
Bull<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Bull,<\/p>\n
Hey! How are you?\tI\u2019m okay considering where I am. I\u2019m ready to start over. I really appreciate everything you have done & you are continuing to do for me. Thanks so much!! I hope everything is resolved with Cobb County, I hope I can take care of it when I get out instead of while I\u2019m in here! That letter you sent me was really inspiring. I read out of my bible everyday. I do a bible lesson and I do a chapter in psalms & proverbs. You\u2019re the only person who has written me. Hey any news on my car? Do you have it, I hope so. I\u2019m gonna need it. It\u2019s crazy I\u2019m gonna have two kids now. I told Ashley to make sure Summer is at every visitation to see me. She brought her Wednesday. It was a good visit. She didn\u2019t cry, that made me feel good. God I miss her so much! They are gonna let me out April 10th at Midnight. I told Ashley to be up here to get me. They won\u2019t let me out unless someone is here to get me. Thank you so much for the money on my books. I don\u2019t know what I would do without you. I do a lot of praying! It\u2019s hard in here Bull. You know Summer has always been with me. This is the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever had to do. My heart is broke! The food in here sucks & I\u2019m tires of all these females. Moma\u2019s been working all the time and hasn\u2019t been up here to see me yet. But I will be okay as long as I see Summer every visitation. I mostly pray for Summer to be okay without me for this time I gotta be away. I can\u2019t wait to hold her in my arms. That guy that was at visitation the other day, Levi, he\u2019s a friend. He\u2019s only like 20 or 21. He stays in trouble, Anyway, I see all these people coming in after me & leaving before me, It\u2019s depressing. I want to go home & be with Summer. I want to maybe get an apartment or something eventually when I get out & get a job. I probably can get one at this telemarketing place even with me being pregnant. \uf04a I\u2019ve been trying to call yours and Ashley\u2019s phone, but I guess you haven\u2019t got paytel time on them. You can come see me again if you would like. Just get in touch with Ashley & make sure she\u2019s bring Summer. Come on a Wednesday cuz I know moma won\u2019t be able to come on Wednesday because of work. Speaking of work how are you? How\u2019s life treating you? Judy, the lady that came over during our visitation & was saying Hey to Summer, she said that you looked good. \uf04a Just thought I would let you know that. She helps me out a lot. We do a lot of praying together. She\u2019s good people. I\u2019ve got a select few friends in here & she\u2019s my #1 friend. I feel I can talk to you about anything. I know your always there to listen. I see Brett every once in a while. All my feelings for him are gone! Him & his family had me put here & I resent them for that. I\u2019ve forgiven them but I stand at a completely different level with them now. Well, I\u2019m gonna go for now, write me back!!<\/p>\n
I love you!<\/p>\n
Trista<\/p>\n
P.S. let me know what Cobb County Court said. ( Try to get a continuance after April 11th! <\/strong><\/p>\n 3 February 2010<\/strong><\/p>\n Dear Trista,<\/p>\n I really enjoyed our visit Sunday. I also enjoyed seeing Summer and your momma. I got your letter Monday, you\u2019re right, you did cover everything in our visit!<\/p>\n I can only imagine how difficult it is for you being separated from Summer. I know she misses you terribly, but she is surrounded by people who love her, and you\u2019re not. I know that life difficult for you in confinement, but the opportunity to start fresh without probation hanging over your head must be worth the time you are serving. You should try hard to accept that the choices you have made in the past may not have been the right ones. Trista, you have free will, and that means that you are responsible for your life, and the effect that your behavior has on your life, but\u2026<\/p>\n Just as importantly, your choices affect Summer, and your unborn child. Your choices, those you have made, can either be a memory that Summer really won\u2019t remember, that your baby will never know, or they will both grow up feeling helpless and at times abandoned.<\/p>\n I read your letter and I read the words of an intelligent, educated and articulate woman. I am willing to bet that you are brighter, smarter than either of your children\u2019s fathers\u2026I believe that you are someone who was so damaged in adolescence that you really don\u2019t believe that you are beautiful in heart and soul, beautiful in spirit, and good through and through. You need to start over inside, deep in your heart, and let Jesus heal you. Nothing in the past can keep you from being born again in the flesh if you are born again in the spirit. You can not only be free of your pain, but you can forgive those who sinned against you, you can forgive them as Jesus forgives you.<\/p>\n You have a vitality, a gift of life, a strength, that can overcome your pain, your deep hurt. You have a loving heart, and gentle disposition, I see the goodness in you as you hold Summer; I see the pain in your eyes when I look deep into them, an old pain, and I see fear. I am not saying that you are not strong, but I am saying that your \u201ctoughness\u201d doesn\u2019t come from strength but from weakness, from pain and fear.<\/p>\n You natural strength comes from your heart, from the gifts God has given you, the ability to love your children as you wanted to be loves as a child. People have come and gone in your life, but you have stayed good in your heart, people have hurt you; some cruelly, some just by leaving you alone, but you have stayed good, you have not lost your innocence before God, you love God, you are His child, turn to Father now for strength and grace, and seek His will.<\/p>\n To be reborn in the flesh you must die in the flesh. Give up your old foolish ways. Give up your fear, open up your heart to His will and you will find the path that will lead you to earthly happiness and eternal life. The new Trista will be strong and willing to live a Godly life. Your strength and will power and desire to live as a follower of Jesus will bring you to true happiness, and your children will grow in your love and God\u2019s love and grace.<\/p>\n Looking in your eyes, I see that strong yet gentle woman, I see your wildness tamed, but still remaining, your desire to live and love without fear realized and your strength and will to succeed fulfilled with achievement and accomplishment.<\/p>\n Look to the Lord for direction, He will give you the family you have always wanted and needed, He will bless you with the life you deserve, He will open the doors to an abundant life.<\/p>\n I have spent a lifetime turning away from God, sinning against Him in many wicked ways, prideful of my strength and manliness. I never needed anyone, I never really loved anyone. I just used them to get through the day, through so many days, months and years. I defied the will of my Creator, and the sacrifice of my Redeemer. I had many good moments, but nothing lasted, nothing remains but me. Learn from my mistakes. I never knew the happiness that must come from trusting someone, loving someone, walking with them through life.<\/p>\n You are reborn in the blood of His sacrifice, let the Lord guide you, let your heart grow in love and your spirit in faith.<\/p>\n I was called by God to preach, can you tell? But the flesh called stronger, and I fell. You are young and good and kind and beautiful, listen to His call, follow His will, and you will never fall again, you will stumble, but you will not fall. You and yours will be His! Could anything you become of your will be better than being God\u2019s child?<\/p>\n Now for the news:<\/p>\n Your arraignment is scheduled for March 19th in Judge _______________ Court, State Court. The case will be handled by Melissa Rise. Her telephone number is 770-______. As it stands, you will be brought from Bartow County for arraignment. I am advised that this is the best course, if you plead out guilty, for you to be sentenced to time served\u2026and then you\u2019d be returned to Bartow County to complete your sentence for probation violation. I\u2019ll put some time on the pay phone as the date draws nearer so you can talk to the Court.<\/p>\n What are your thoughts on this? Do you want to plead out for time served? If the ADA won\u2019t accept a plead for time served, do you want to plead not guilty and have an attorney provided? Think about what\u2019s best and let me know.<\/p>\n Next, about your furnishings at Brett\u2019s. You don\u2019t need to make any deals\u2026I have the serial number of the TV. You need to make a complete list of all your things there, and if you want I will go with you, and the law if necessary, to recover them. What I am saying to you, is why bargain with the devil? You don\u2019t need to trade your furniture for a free pass for Brett, unless you want to.<\/p>\n We can recover your things and justice can be done. It’s your decision, but let me add this\u2026you are doing your time because of him and his family, shouldn\u2019t he do his for what he did to you? You can tell where I stand, but of course it’s your decision.<\/p>\n Finally, again, don\u2019t worry about a car\u2026you will have \u201csomething\u201d small and fuel efficient when you are released.<\/p>\n Keep reading His word and trust in Jesus,<\/p>\n God bless you and keep you and yours safe from all harm.<\/p>\n Bull<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Bull,<\/p>\n Hey! I got your letter today & I\u2019m okay with going to court on the 19th of march. I\u2019m not to crazy about going to Cobb County jail though, I\u2019m kind of scared. When you go to Court in another county most of the time you loose your bunk & there isn\u2019t ant telling on how long I will stay down there before they bring me back. I wish they would bring me to court and straight back to Bartow County so I can leave my stuff here & I won\u2019t loose my bunk & have to sleep on the floor.I\u2019m just gonna put it in God\u2019s hands. All I want to do is make sure they come and get me & don\u2019t get a bench warrant on me and if possible be there in Court also. What time is court that day? I will be more that happy to plead guilty if I get time served. That\u2019s what I\u2019m gonna do. I try not to worry so much but its hard sometimes. Prey the come get me & I get time served & they hurry up & bring me back to Bartow to finish my three months on probation violation. Oh & about my stuff, okay, all I want is my stuff back- my bed & all my pictures & my scrap book, stuff of everything since summer was born, Summer\u2019s furniture- Everything!!!! About the car \u2013 thank you so much!! I hope that something is not that bad though. I appreciate you & what you do for me!!!<\/p>\n This girl in here got a bench warrant the other day because Cherokee County didn\u2019t come get here & they knew she was here. (\u201cPLEASE GOD, DON\u2019T LET THIS HAPPEN 2 ME!\u201d) Bartow County is not responsible for bring me to Cobb County, Cobb County is responsible for coming to get me so I pray they do there part & come get me.<\/p>\n I love Summer & I already love my unborn child!!<\/p>\n I know\u2026. I am a worry wart. God is working on me hard! I am in my Bible every night. I try to sleep all day& stay up reading at night, its more peaceful. Sleeping makes my time go by faster!!! Oh, I will be so glad to get out of here & hold Summer & go out to eat. Please take me out to eat when I get out.<\/p>\n Please find if I can plead out & get timed served. I need to get that junk over with & get back here at Bartow & finish my time & come home.<\/p>\n HOME SWEET HOME<\/p>\n Well, I\u2019m gonna go now its 1AM & I\u2019m gonna read some more of my book, I\u2019m reading \u201cTwilight\u201d, an awesome book & I will be expecting to hear back from you.<\/p>\n W\/B\/S<\/p>\n I love you\u2026.<\/p>\n All my (heart) \u2013Trista<\/p>\n I (heart) Summer!!<\/p>\n P.S. I now everything you wrote me is true & I consider my life already changed for the best.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Trista:<\/p>\n I was wonderful to see you Sunday. I actually had arrived and registered for the first visit, but when they called the roll, your name wasn\u2019t called. The deputy told me the folks in the line in front of me were the last there was room for\u2026I had held the front door for them and they would up being the last called. Missed it by one. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished!<\/p>\n You looked great. I must compliment you on your natural hair color, of course, you are a beautiful blond, but I really thought you were too smart to be one! Its so beautiful now and so long\u2026you are gorgeous. I know its difficult on you, but your stay hasn\u2019t affected your beauty. You\u2019re beginning to show, and that\u2019s so sweet. I know God has given your unborn child the best mother she\/he could ever had, I just wish God would do better by the fathers.<\/p>\n I imagine that you still have feelings for Brett, hey, that\u2019s normal, he is the father, and you loved him enough to get pregnant. You need to keep praying to the good Lord to let you have a fresh start, a new beginning, for you and the children. Remember, He answers prayers.<\/p>\n I had a real disappointment yesterday, I had had two good interviews with Pilot Truck stops, but they told me yesterday I didn\u2019t get the job. They said it was difficult, but they went another way\u2026 I\u2019ll keep looking, and working my businesses; I really would like medical\/dental insurance and other benefits. I am praying something will break right soon.<\/p>\n About your furniture and other things, legally, you have every right to them, but given the circumstances, you should notify him, and who ever is looking after his house, in writing that you would like to recover them as soon as is practicable\u2026when you are released or sooner if need be. If anyone removes anything or damages anything, he would be responsible for replacing it\u2026but only if you notify him. I am not trying to create friction or cause you worry, you know what you are doing (most of the time) but you have nice things and you deserve them. Its just like the boob doctor, your letter protected you and your interest.<\/p>\n Summer looked so pretty, Rosa says she looks just like you at that age. Bet your next little one will be beautiful too. And the one after that, and the one\u2026ha ha!<\/p>\n I deposited $50 Sunday so you should be good for a while. I\u2019m not sure I can come on the 14th, Momma\u2019s church, the Church of the Apostles, is having a Valentine’s Day dinner for all the widows. Take good care of yourself, love God, and pray for His grace and blessings. You are a fine woman, a wonderful mother, and I am proud to be your friend.<\/p>\n Bull<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I miss Summer!<\/p>\n Bull-<\/p>\n Hello! Hope this letter finds you happy & smiling. I would like to start of by saying thank you very much for the valentine\u2019s day card. That was sooo sweet. I wasn\u2019t expecting a card from anyone. But you put a big smile on my face. \uf04a Our block didn\u2019t get visitation Sunday (valentine\u2019s day. We got in trouble for not having our full uniform on at 8:00 AM, the morning before valentine\u2019s day. Yeah it\u2019s crazy sometimes or should I say most of the time when they take our few privileges we have. Anyways\u2026.Have you heard anything else from Cobb County? I\u2019m ready to get that over with and plea out for timed served. Bull I know I always stress this out & say it a lot but I want to thank you for everything you do for me & for being a very good TRUE friend. I know one thing for certain you have a life long true friend in me. I will always (no matter what) be here for you just like you have been for me. I really mean that too! There may come a time one day long down the road that you may need me for anything & trust & believe I will be here for you. I love you Bull !!!!<\/p>\n Well\u2026.It\u2019s 2AM & I\u2019m getting tired so I\u2019m gonna go so I can send this in the mail in the morning.<\/p>\n -(heart) Always-<\/p>\n Trista<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Trista:<\/p>\n It was so good to see you Sunday. You are looking so beautiful, some women are blessed By God with a beauty and grace that is magnified when they are with child, you definitely are one of the blessed! You carry yourself so easily and with such poise. Trista, you are a woman of softness and strength, and it is a beautiful thing to see you being this way, even in your confinement. I know you are special, and I believe that if you trust and love the Lord, you will fulfill the promise that God has given you and truly be happier and more satisfied in the grace of the Holy Ghost, doing the Lord\u2019s work, which is to be the very best person you can be, and raising your children to love and fear the Lord.<\/p>\n After all, whenever we love, truly love, we fear. We fear the loss of that love, we fear betrayal, we fear disappointment, and we fear failure. We even fear pleasure, for we fear it will end. If I could give you one gift, it would be that of courage, to believe in yourself and the love of Jesus Christ so much that you would never fear again, never want again, never doubt that you are a chosen child of God, and with God\u2019s help, you can do anything!<\/p>\n Believe in Jesus Christ, He died for my sins; He died for your sins, and for the sins of Summer and your unborn child. Twice now you have chosen, of your own free will, to be the giver of life, now you must choose to live, truly live your life! Your life should be free of fear and worry and stress; you must have faith in Jesus, you need not worry, God will provide for you. Jesus is ready to help you find peace, contentment and satisfaction.<\/p>\n When you walk out of jail free, without the fear of violating probation, remember this, Why should you ever again do those things that offended the law and the Lord in the first place? Of course we are all sinners, but that doesn\u2019t mean we are criminals. You never have to spend another hour in confinement, not now, not with your children, not with your spouse. Live in faith, live with belief in goodness, with the blessings of faith in Jesus Christ. Accept the fact that no one is strong enough to resist temptation and despair except they accept the saving grace and love of Jesus. Here\u2019s a tip, advice from an old repentant sinner: Don\u2019t ask yourself (as so many do) What would Jesus do?… because we can\u2019t always do what Jesus would do, because Jesus was perfect and we are not\u2026No, instead ask yourself \u201dWhat should I do for Jesus?\u201d<\/p>\n As for me, I am so far from perfect, my sins were so great\u2026that I seldom did what Jesus would have done, in fact, I am certain that He could not have done as I did!<\/p>\n It has taken a lifetime for me to understand that my sins really are forgiven, that I really can chose to follow my Savior, not just to the cross, but to the gifts of God for the people of God, and those gifts are revealed to us when we ask \u201cWhat should I do for Jesus\u201d He will never fail you, He will always be with you, His divine love will always comfort you.<\/p>\n When I ask Jesus, He tells me \u201cAsk me in prayer what you can do for me, how you can glorify my name, and I will show you\u201d And I read the Word, the Holy Bible, and my precious Lord shows me what to do.<\/p>\n I do not believe that following Christ means that enjoying life\u2019s pleasures is over. I do not believe that love and passion are wrong, but I do believe that they are best when blessed by God. When strong and true love binds two people together that is so much a greater passion, so much a stronger love, that the two can become one, bound together from the blessing of God, and hope of fulfillment in spirit and flesh.<\/p>\n Trista, I\u2019ve never know that special union, when two become one, like wedding rings locked together, separate but equal, each unique, but together greater than each alone.<\/p>\n My hope for you is that you will know this state of grace, this special union; for I know you are the equal of any man, and the mother of precious children. You must seek your Christian husband; you must give yourself to Jesus and ask Him how you should live to please Him, and I promise He will show you the way, for He is the Way, the Truth and the Light.<\/p>\n Trista, I am connected to you by God\u2019s love. I must confess to you that I have desired you since seeing you in the movie theater. When I was told that you were an entertainer, I assumed you were like so many dancers I had met, willing to trade a good time for favors. I had no idea of the pain, the spiritual pain, your life had caused you; I had no idea of the goodness of your heart or the love you showered on your child, Summer, or your desire for a better, safer, happier life. I am so sorry for not seeing you as a child of God, I am so sorry for my contemptible behavior. I apologize to you again from the bottom of my heart for my lust and stupidity.<\/p>\n I was so struck by shame, shame before God, after I showed you that lascivious photograph, after I saw the pain and confusion on your face\u2026after I realized that I had misjudged you and dishonored you and disrespected you. I have seldom felt so small and cruel and stupid, I felt like a fool. My shame led me, a proud and worldly man, a sinner and a fornicator, back to the love of Jesus, and that night I asked forgiveness from the Lord, and asked Him to heal me so that I might serve him and follow his way. The Lord opened my eyes and my heart, to brought me to a true love of you, and a knowledge that somehow I should find a way to help you overcome your fears and accept the Love of Jesus and follow His Way.<\/p>\n When you needed a roommate, I stepped in. I hoped somehow that I could bring peace to you, and to me. I grew to admire you more, and understand more of your needs, but as you friend, I failed to understand you. My mixed emotions, my desire to do good, and my attraction to you, worked to cancel each other out. I could not keep you from doing things that seemed to me self destructive; I wanted to give you the Word, but I could not free myself from the world.<\/p>\n I did a very poor job of helping you see how good you are, of encouraging you to believe in yourself; if I were your guardian angel, I would not have earned my wings, but then, I am no angel! Although I am old enough to be one!<\/p>\n This is a difficult time for me, my income is still unsteady, though improving, and I am battling the demons of lust and want, and stretched thin across a number of needs, all of whom are God\u2019s children. But more than anything my heart of heart yearns for your happiness, for your fulfillment. You are so much more than a diamond in the rough, your eyes sparkle with the light of God; I see it when I look into your eyes. Ask and He will show you His Will, He will show you His Way, He will show you his love.<\/p>\n I am no Bible thumping hypocrite; I love life, and laughter, joy and pleasure, all the gifts of God for his people. Were I stronger, I might choose again to preach; when I was younger I left the seminary, I left my calling to chase the idols of the flesh. I turned my back on the call of Jesus to follow Him. Still, I am chosen, and I see that you are among the chosen, those whom Jesus called \u201cHis\u201d. In John 17:9, The Lord prays not for the world, but for those His father gave Him.<\/p>\n You are one of those gifts from the Father to the Son; you are one of His chosen. Don\u2019t despair of your sin, but rejoice in your gifts from Jesus: Summer and the new life within you. Seek for them and yourself that which the Lord promises\u2026new life, be reborn in the joy and blessings of God\u2019s grace and salvation.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know how to best help you, I don\u2019t know what I can do to make your life better, I don\u2019t even know what you most need from me. I do know that I love you with the love that Christ gives to us to share, and my strength, His strength, is yours.<\/p>\n I will always do my best for you, and help you in any way I can, in any way you ask. God bless you and keep you and yours safe.<\/p>\n Bull<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 12:01AM<\/p>\n Hey Bull!<\/p>\n How are you? I\u2019m okay. I\u2019ve got 40 more days left. This place is really starting to get to me. I miss Summer so bad I\u2019m about to flip out!! Moma put time on my grandmothers phone so I probably have about 5 phone calls to talk to summer before I leave. God, I hope this month flies by! I am so sick of this place! Look if its affecting you getting me a car then don\u2019t put anymore money on my books. I really need a car!! If you can just put a little more money on my books, just one more time, I will be okay. I appreciate everything you\u2019ve done & it will not be forgotten. I do promise that!! I want a pack of Marlboro Lights so bad I can taste them. And I am craving Taco bell & pizza so bad I can\u2019t stand it. I haven\u2019t seen anybody for a week. They told moma that my visitation was taken. This place is like torture! You just don\u2019t understand how bad it is. I\u2019m ready to go to Cobb County for court, get back and get this over with. I need Summer in my arms so bad, that\u2019s all I can think about. I have grown so close to God. I pray all the time! I\u2019m ready to go to church with Moma Esther. I\u2019m glad Summer goes with her. It\u2019s good for kids to grow up in church. Ashley got an apartment with Jason Miller off of Iron Belt Rd., she\u2019s finally out of Moma Esther\u2019s house. I get a special visit this Tuesday. I get to see my brother since we were both locked up & were siblings we get a 20 minute visit together. So that\u2019s cool!! My hand writing keeps getting sloppy & sloppier. We\u2019re doing a Jericho Walk in here again. The Jericho walk is in the Bible in Joshua 6, if you wanna read about it. They have brought in at least 12 people or more in the past week. It\u2019s crowded in here, bad!!<\/p>\n I have truly learned my lesson. I will not be back in this hell hole!!! I\u2019m ready for a life change-seriously, this is no life!! I deserve better & can do better. I know this & I know I\u2019m a great mother & a good person & I know that I will be so successful in this life. I love my life & I\u2019m getting it back. My baby needs me & so does my unborn child. Wow just 40 more days. God be with me & let this fly by. I want to start school after I have this baby. I\u2019m ready to make something of this life. I will talk to you & see you soon, hopefully. Love you!<\/p>\n -(heart)-always<\/p>\n Trista<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dear Darling Trista:<\/p>\n I read you letter and leapt for joy to here you speak of your future with such strength and conviction. God will show you the way, and to hear you speak of church and your children, sweet little Summer going to church, how wonderful. I know that the Spirit will guide you and bless you, and you will become the woman I so clearly see when I look into your eyes. You are forgiven, you are reborn, and Jesus has you close to His heart and it waiting for you to walk with Him!<\/p>\n Now to the news\u2026I was so disappointed not to see you Sunday! I put $50 in the commissary so that will answer a need in your letter. I\u2019m still looking for a car for you, but I promise you\u2019ll have a one on the 11th of April. Trust me. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever lied to you, and if I did I was stupid! I will do my best and you will have wheels when you are freed!<\/p>\n I need to tell you the truth now about how I feel about you. I know so little about you that I feel foolish at times to be in love with you. I don\u2019t know your favorite color, darkest secret, deepest hopes. I\u2019m not sure I could name your favorite movie, recording artist, or favorite pair of jeans. It\u2019s strange that we never really talked, that you never really needed to talk with me.<\/p>\n I want you to understand that I know being in love with you is impossible. I really do know that, and as much as I want to be the man in your life, that\u2019s very unlikely to happen. I want to be honest so that you don\u2019t feel awkward or think poorly of me for loving you.<\/p>\n Loving and being in love are different states. Happily, I possess both feelings toward you\u2026I honestly and truly have grown to love you for the woman you are becoming, strong, self reliant, motivated, and able to love your children with a depth and commitment that is inspiring and so true to the bible\u2019s teaching! I love you for having lived through many trials and hardships; I love you for understanding, before Summer\u2019s birth, that you had to get right with God, to enjoy and cherish His gift of such a lovely, bright daughter. I have watched you mother your daughter, and seen the nurture and affection you have poured out on her.<\/p>\n You know what I think is remarkable, you\u2019ll now have twice the love you had before, and you\u2019ll cherish both your children! I am willing to bet that you\u2019ll love all your children with the same passion as you love your first, and that, dear Trista, is why you are so special!<\/p>\n So you see, I will never stop loving you, nor will I ever fail to be your friend.<\/p>\n Being in love is different. For me it means praying for a miracle. To live with you everyday, to lay with you every night, to be your husband, the father to all your children, that would be too wonderful to ever expect it to occur. I know what you desire is very different from what I offer, and I want you to know that I understand, that I accept that you are young, vital and hoping to find a man much closer in age. It wouldn\u2019t surprise me if you thought you didn\u2019t need a husband\u2026I never thought I needed a wife\u2026.but remember this, two together as one are stronger than ten alone, it\u2019s the way God meant for us to live. I only wish I had realized this long ago. How many hearts have I broken, how will my Lord count me among His if I have lived in defiance of His way? When you find the right man, make a family, share your life and your love. Pray together and make decisions together and most of all, listen to each other. Share each other in the love of Christ, and those two children of yours will be blessed beyond belief! And more gifts from God will surely follow.<\/p>\n To tell you the truth, I though I\u2019d have you 5 acres and a double wide by now; I told you that was what I was working for, and so far, I\u2019ve been a total bust! Even now, business is so slow as to be nearly non-existent. I\u2019m still working for the day that you can have your own home, and you and summer and your new baby are always on my mind. And if that means that I\u2019ll be helping you and someone else\u2026that\u2019s OK\u2026I\u2019ll obey His will!<\/p>\n I needed to tell you how I feel; I don\u2019t expect you to respond, I just wanted you to know how much I love and value you, Trista, and Summer, and what your friendship means to me. I did not want to hide my regard and love, but share it with you. There is no need for me to feel so awkward and foolish around you, and I hope you will be comfortable with my affection, which I promise to keep in check, as I always have.<\/p>\n When you said you wanted to go to school, I was so proud of you! Trista, you\u2019ve got a fine mind, you just need to get serious and get motivated! You can work toward any goal you have, and you will succeed! What do you want to study? See, I told you, I know so little about you! But I know this, if you truly set your mind to it, you will do it. You rock girl! I\u2019m glad you are going to see Wig! How\u2019s he doing? I pray he loves Jesus as you do, I see your Mama Esther\u2019s prayers at work, and I hope he\u2019ll come out of this the better for it.<\/p>\n While I\u2019ll continue to pray for my miracle, I\u2019ll also continue to pray for you. I will ask the Lord to bless you, heal you and guide you to His purpose. You are so beautiful; you are among his chosen, he has blessed you with a wonderful daughter, with life within you, with an eternal future. I am so blessed to have met you. Find His way, and you will find your way, and yes, you are strong enough to follow His way through-out your life!<\/p>\n God Bless and keep you safe,<\/p>\n Bull<\/p>\n PS. I\u2019ll check with Cobb County Friday 3\/5\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n EMERGENCY:<\/p>\n *Bull*<\/p>\n Hey! I had to hurry and write you to let you know what Ashley told me she heard 2 days ago. She was told that Brett\u2019s mother put all my stuff that\u2019s in his house on _________, on side of the road. Bull this really bothers me!! That\u2019s all I have Bull! All the pictures of me & Summer. My sleigh bed, T.V. dresser with the mirror, Summer\u2019s whole bedroom suit, Summer\u2019s T.V., Summer\u2019s dresser and toys. Everything I own. All my dishes & furniture.<\/p>\n Bull, please help me get my stuff. Please! I can\u2019t do anything with me in here!! My phone is in my purse at Moma Esther\u2019s. If someone can charge it & get Debbie ( Brett\u2019s mom\u2019s) phone number out of my phone & call & talk to her about this situation, that will be great. It\u2019s her cell phone number. I also have a dresser that has three drawers in Brett\u2019s moms garage on ______________ that has summers scrapbook & like 3 or 4 photo albums of all Summer\u2019s pictures and also my jewelry. There\u2019s more stuff there but that\u2019s all I care about.<\/p>\n If you would please contact her & see if you can get my stuff for me & put it in my grandmother\u2019s basement until I can get out & get my life situated. My grandmother\u2019s number is __________ if you need to talk to her.<\/p>\n Thank you & I love ya!<\/p>\n (heart) Trista<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Bull,<\/p>\n Hey! How are you? I\u2019m good considering I only have 19 more days left! This has been pretty rough on me. I thank you for putting time on Moma Esther\u2019s phone If you haven\u2019t already then when you do tell her to go to Wal-mart & put pay-tel time on there. Tell her that Sonja can help her. She knows how, Thank you for everything, especially a vehicle. I\u2019ve definitely been blessed with you & your help. Thanks also for the lawyer, you\u2019re a lifesaver!! Well, I\u2019ve finally received a letter from my brother. He\u2019s doing well.<\/p>\n I\u2019m gonna continue to do great when I get out! I\u2019m gonna stay in church, take care of my babies, spend time with my family & work. So you don\u2019t have to preach to me so much. Although I appreciate your concern. Oh, I\u2019m sorry I had to cut our visit short. When you gotta go you gotta go!! Anyways sorry my letter is so short, I\u2019m about to read. Keep in touch!<\/p>\n Love ya,<\/p>\n Trista<\/p>\n Bull,<\/p>\n Hey! I haven\u2019t heard from you in a while & was wondering how you\u2019re doing. I\u2019m counting down the days \u2018til I finally get to go home. I have 5 days left! Thank God!!! Summer is so excited. I hope you\u2019re not mad at me. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on. There\u2019s sure no reason to be mad. Sonja & all the kids (Summer, Maddi & Brooklyn) came to see me for easter that\u2019s why I had to ask you not to come. Sorry if you were offended!!! Well, I\u2019m so ready to walk out of here. Summer & me are excited about shopping for her some summer clothes & also shopping for the baby. I\u2019ve obviously got to start all over. I have nothing. Well, I will call your phone when I go home. Of course it won\u2019t be after midnight & I\u2019ll be at church the next day so I will call you after that. Thought I would touch base with you before I go home. Thanks for all you\u2019ve done for me & God bless you!<\/p>\n (heart) Trista<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Once you abandon God, expect no mercy! It is important to understand that abandonment does not mean disbelief or disavowal, it simply means that you have exercised the gift of the tree of knowledge, free will, to your own purpose. … Continue reading <\/del> ___________is the address that they need to get a hold of me after I get out!<\/p>\n02\/04\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
2010-02-10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
02\/18\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
2010-02-24<\/strong><\/h3>\n
03\/01\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
2010-03-03<\/strong><\/h3>\n
03\/03\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
3\/22\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n
4\/5\/10<\/strong><\/h3>\n