{"id":5,"date":"2011-04-14T14:09:37","date_gmt":"2011-04-14T14:09:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/?p=5"},"modified":"2012-04-01T04:23:42","modified_gmt":"2012-04-01T04:23:42","slug":"she-called-me-daddy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/2011\/04\/14\/she-called-me-daddy\/","title":{"rendered":"She called me Daddy… 5\/23\/2009"},"content":{"rendered":"
Where do you fit in?\r\nIn all the angles of my life, all the\r\nMoments of\u00a0 happiness, the hours of strife,\r\nwhere do you fit in?\r\n\r\nYou said it was just fantasy, you said\r\nDon\u2019t believe it for a minute. It's not real.\r\nNothing else is real, only \"Momma\" and\r\nthe men of Smiley Ingram.\r\n\r\nBevan called me daddy, from the mouth of a child.\r\nShe knows I am real, she knows I am not\r\nsponge bob square pants, she knows\r\nwhat you feel and who I would be:\r\nHer daddy!\r\n\r\nYou can pick her up and you can hug her,\r\nbut she knows if you really love her mommy,\r\nbecause she knows how true love feels,\r\nand it ain\u2019t just being there to watch over you,\r\nit ain\u2019t feeling like you own somebody,\r\n...that ain\u2019t love,\r\n\r\nSqueeze her, kiss her, hug her,\r\n...she knows it ain\u2019t really loving her,\r\n'til you know she is her mother\u2019s baby with every smile she makes\r\n'til you see her mother within her with every step she takes\r\n\u2018til you want her to be in your pot at the rainbow\u2019s end,\r\n'til you see yourself beside her on her wedding day.\r\n\r\nSo I don\u2019t fit in, nor do I deserve to.\r\nI don\u2019t breath heavy down your needs nor with expletives\r\nDrown you moods, I don\u2019t measure your life out in\r\nWhat you\u2019ve done for me, or what I\u2019ve done for you...\r\n\r\nYou\u2019re a curve thrown too late in the count of my days,\r\nyet I played young for you or was it\r\nIncipient senility to think you wanted me?\r\n\r\nI can love and give until I am empty\r\nand no one, not even you, counts my nights\r\nalone in sadness, alone in my sadness.\r\n\r\nI cover myself in defecation,\r\nmy crowning moment of self-infatuation.\r\nI am loved by it and and I eat it all,\r\nthere is no other meal set for my table,\r\nbecause you said nothing was real.\r\n\r\nNot her, not the baby, nor the boy,\r\nnone of yours may I call my own...\r\n...all of them were made of other lover\u2019s dreams,\r\nconceived in idle desperation to make you feel anything.\r\n\r\nStill, at least these other lover's fantasies have limbs,\r\nthey have bodies and hearts and brains,\r\nThey have fleshed out penis-dream faces,\r\nthey thrive as a result of your pain and love\r\nand they stay ever close to you.\r\n\r\nYour lover's sex dreams will live forever\r\neven as my sex dreams are still-born,\r\nour imagined fetus that died before its conception.\r\nYou will have no child of mine,\r\nIt was all a lie you called a fantasy.\r\n\r\nIn the end, comfort comes twice,\r\nI dream, I dream\r\nYou once loved me\r\nand I once heard Bevan\r\nCall me Daddy.<\/pre>\n
\r\n<\/pre>\n
       <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Where do you fit in? In all the angles of my life, all the Moments of\u00a0 happiness, the hours of strife, where do you fit in? You said it was just fantasy, you said Don\u2019t believe it for a minute. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2007-2011"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1DZOG-5","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5\/revisions\/29"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bullsullivan.com\/poetry\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}